Insta-diagnosis

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About 3 and a half years ago, I had posted a blog piece called, "Are you friends with me? I think I know your type." It referred to being friends with me in Facebook. 3 and a half years later, I no longer am a user. I have moved to being a compulsive and abusive user of another application - Instagram, and I feel the need to diagnose the types of people I am connected to here. 

 **Disclaimer - I mean no offence.

Broadly, there are 7 types of people for me on Instagram,
1) The ones I follow and the ones that follow me back (doesn't matter who followed who first, it's like which came first, the chicken or the egg) eg. close friends and family

2) The ones that only I follow and ones that don't and will not follow me back, but the ones I will keep on following regardless. eg. Liverpool Football Club

3) The ones that follow me but ones I won't follow back, either because
    • a) their profiles are private (don't know why people expect us to be clairvoyant and know what's behind the heavy curtains) or
    • b) they are basically inactive or
    • c) even if their profiles are public, their posts simply aren't my type (I struggle as it is at about 300 odd followees, among whom only three quarters accounts are active)
    • d) they give the follow then unfollow vibes
4) The ones I follow as a test because their posts seem fun, but can't hold my interest for long because their posts are very similar all the times or good posts was just a phase for them, and whom I eventually unfollow for those or for some other reasons. Also when they don't follow back. Because vanity.

5) The ones I follow, that I keep on following not for their posts (which is sparse to say the least) but for their insta-stories which are better than some peoples' posts

6) The ones I follow, that I keep on following not for their posts (which, bluntly said, is non-existent) but for a hope they will post and when they do, they will meet my expectations

7) The ones that I will probably stalk sometimes but will not follow

Now, I’m going to be specific; I’m not going to play the name game of course.

Let me start with me - my account, according to me, is the kind of an account that tries to be relevant to the time. Tries to post often but not too often. Keeps her profile neat. She’s not a photographer, not a poet, doesn’t have a specific talent, doesn’t worship one single hobby but has a love affair with multiple beautiful things in life. Posts as much about each one of them. Has 60/40 things-self pictures ratio. Doesn’t believe in #nofilter. Doesn’t hashtag unless absolutely necessary.

Onto the others. Wait for your spot. Have you caught my attention? *the genders used might be misleading*

  • Has beautiful pictures, writes apt captions, posts the right number of pictures, is active enough to not miss my stories
  • Has real pictures of beautiful things, I think she uses professional camera, is immensely inspirational
  • Posts sporadically but when he does, posts as many as 2 to 3 pics/vids at a time, somehow not boring, never overwhelming
  • Actually has a very fun life that can be seen from her stories
  • Tries a lot to be relevant when she’s really not, posts a lot, only some of which is like-able (could be me for some?)
  • Hashtags a lot to make-up for the lack of original caption ideas (not a bad thing)
  • Quotes a lot/copies lyrics for want of seeming intelligent (me again?)
  • Is legitimately funny and isn’t even aware of it
  • Is a big fan of himself, hence self-portraits galore
  • Is a great photographer but just doesn't post enough for the world to see
  • Travels so much, posts amazing pictures, even when she doesn’t travel, her walk in the park pictures are drool-worthy
  • Poet, witty captions on sub-par pictures
  • Homey, smiley, happy, foodie, bookie pictures
  • Bad pictures, great perspective
  • Gorgeous pictures, amazing captions
  • Foooooooood
  • Active life, ambitious pictures
  • Random posts that make absolutely no sense
  • Doesn’t post, doesn’t like, always sees stories
  • Sooonnngggsss, good and bad
  • Such a miserly poster, makes you wonder why they like to hide and what, when they do finally come out, inspires them to do so
  • Doesn’t post much but is always, always liking every random posts that there are out there
  • Is constantly present in the gram despite being the kind of a person that seems above the pettiness and facetiousness of the whole ordeal

So, did you get a mention?


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