The "I" in the"We"

I remember one time when I was doing my Bachelors(ooh  I made it sound as if it was good many years ago). It was during our second year,(which was in 2007…4 good years ago) that we had our psychology classes. On one of those, Mr. Baldy-cum-fatty asked us to write and just write about whatever that comes to our minds. And naturally, I started writing about me. Who else?? I know no one better than myself.  So here's something that's about me. It's something I've been meaning to write..not entirely for being read but for the clarity of mind. I don't think many of those who will read this one will go as far as the ending…but what the hell.

Name is Ranjana Thapa Magar. Been speaking Nepali language right from the very first word. But I also speak Magaranti and English. And like most of the other Nepalese people, I understand Hindi and may be speak, if not fluently, just okay. And right now, I'm learning French. My mother's from a remote village in Syangja where many Magar people reside and talk Magaranti. My dad's a Magar too but from where he is from, they don't speak any of the native language. But my dad learnt the language. Why am I yammering about the language stuff? Let's see.

Nepali language being my first language or my mother tongue as we say comes naturally to me. Notwithstanding grammatical mistakes here and there, it's the best way that I can communicate. (A "but" ensues this statement like it always does.) But I prefer the English language than Nepali. I don't talk "very" fluently as it is but I try..and I try very hard. It's just that there are not enough people I can talk in English to. In my family, apart from my mother everyone can talk in English. But for Mom's sake we don't do it often. With Mom it's often the Magaranti tongue we use. She feels comfortable with it. But unlike other of her kin, Nepali also comes fluently to her. May be it's the years she lived in the capital city of the country. Magaranti has an accent. Thankfully, we don't have that. And since my uncle lives in Paris with his family, we thought it'd be nice if we learnt that language as well. My sister got to go to French classes. Although I didn't go to them, I learnt some basic stuffs like Je m'appelle Ranjana, Je t'aime , Merci and all that.(I googled the spellings)The question's still there. Why is it that I'm still yammering about the fluency with which that I can talk various languages.

Language is something that is ought to be improved over years. In my case though, it's the other way around…meaning:: it sort of wears off of me. At least that's what I think. I've always been a fast talker and most people don't understand what I say right away. That's one of the reasons that I don't talk much. I don't stammer like the word conventionally goes. It's just that I can't express myself very clearly when it comes to verbal expression. Like I said before, I've been speaking in Nepali from the very first word and English is something I learnt in school and I schooled myself in vocabulary by reading as much books as I could. Getting back to the neptalk, and to the point that I'm trying to make here, it's not always that I talk fast and confuse people. Sometimes I surprise myself by talking with all that calm and composure. I tweeted some time ago that maybe it's my nerves. May be it is. May be it's not. But there certainly are times when this frustration gets the best of me. I get engulfed in envy for people who can talk so smooth and not even realize what they have. It seems like there are things which you get without having to ask for it,hell, without even noticing that you have it…and things that you have fight for and work hard to get.

Lately, most often than not, I've noticed that those languages that I'm so familiar with and those that ought to have improved because of the years and practice and all are harder to speak than those that are new to me…English is easier than Nepali..and I believe French will be easier than English..but that's just an assumption. I'll have to work on that for sure.

It would've been nice to able to write about the rest of the "we" other than "I" but it's a start. I'll get around to writing about you..but don't count on it on being entirely about you, I'll be there too.