Lessons

A thought occurred to me: If my life had been a movie and you were the audience, you'd probably say, bitch had it coming.

Now this is something I wouldn't want my future potential employer to see: I never learn. Work wise I am a "fast learner" or so I say in my resumes. No, honestly though, I do learn fast when it comes to thinking-things or doing-things. But feeling-things is where my panache ends. This blog isn't going to look like one of those articles you read in random magazines where women tell-all about their relationships. I am going to stay discreet and sketch my life out in a vague manner (because why the heck not). I am in my late twenties already and by this age, most of my "friends" have settled down (or so it looks like to me) with a spouse, a baby and a career (?), and this is the age where people from the west (you know the goras, American and stuff) have already traveled the world, and had a massive career and a long figure income. I have told myself time and often that I shouldn't whine about things that are ultimately going to happen (sooner or later) but I don't listen to myself. And I don't learn.

I have fared baaad (that's not a word but that's how I pronounce it) in my relationships where I have put my heart out and seen it being crushed again and again. If I was one of my friends, I'd get one hell of a telling-off because if someone else did what I do on a regular basis, I'd go tut tut. But then again, I never learn.

I am told I should be saving for bigger things in life. And then there's this saying that goes something like "rich people stay rich by spending like they're poor and poor people stay poor by spending like they're rich" Yeah, you can guess which category I fall in. I don't spend when there're nothing to spend from. I see things like, you know clothes-stuffs, concerts, places to go-oh-my-god, and I try to rationalize with myself, 'Carpe Diem, sweetheart, Carpe Diem' And I end up with a sad looking bank account all because I never learn.

I have never been a brilliant student and I don't know how I managed good scores all these years (prolly because of all that memorizing, I don't know) but the scores, although good enough for me, aren't good enough for my parents (they never are) and definitely not good enough to be put into my resume (should it come to that). Every semester, after scraping through by the skin of my teeth, I have told myself I am so going to get better grades next time because it's not that hard, but hey!! it is hard. It's hard not to stay in youtube and watch random videos, not to go beautiful places, not to read one more chapter and one more book (fiction of course), and to stay off the phone where people text never. Masters is done and dusted with the same lame grades that I deserve because I never learn, even though I know for shit I am capable of getting HDs.

Lessons never learnt or lesson learnt and forgotten, I have never regretted doing or not doing anything in my life. Regrets are for weak-willed people. Every life is different; you may be happy or sad living yours, I try to give myself the happiest times with the littlest that I have with me in the moment. I love not because I expect to be loved with the same intensity that I deliver, I love because I love loving. I go places not because I want to show off the places I have been to, I go because of the sheer joy of discovering myself in the least expected places. Carpe Diem, sweetheart, Carpe Diem.