Where are you focused?

My life for quite a number of months now has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I would've loved to tell you I've been feeling up more than down, but then I'd be lying to you. I have felt all sorts of feelings right from dizzying heights of happiness to the nauseating lows of insignificance. I am not proud of saying this but I have realised that such erratic changes in the way my feelings have tread is because I have anchored my happiness to other people's behavior. Fortunately or unfortunately, I am not alone in this. I have noticed a lot of people whose very existence depends on how someone or another treats them. And why is that a bad thing you may ask. Or some of you might think, yup, that's exactly what you get for putting your heart out and  letting your emotions rely on someone other than yourself.

Now, I have pondered a lot. As someone has aptly pointed out, I am an over thinker. I should not be let alone with my thoughts. But one cannot help such situations. I am far from coming to a conclusion and my musings are always a work in progress; it's only fair that I be allowed rectifications on what I feel about things or feelings themselves.

So, is it good to focus your everything on one person? (Let me put one thing straight - I am talking about loving someone in a romantic sense, not in a platonic sense) Is it healthy to have how your day or heck even an entire chunk of your life goes to be decided by how that person acts, or what they do or say to you? They say something nice and you find yourself in seventh heaven, and when they fail to live up your expectations, you just crumble and question your worth. And you and I both know, it's never always seventh heaven. Before I jump onto the opposite polar, (where I'll bang on about how the alternative is not relying upon someone else for your happiness or your miserableness), I'll stop because it'll do you no good.

There's a middleground. There's always a middleground. There has to be. There was a time when I decided, no more (alright, fine! the decision was shoved at me and I was left with no choice but to shift my focus to myself) I was a wreck. I tried yoga, I thought I'd start stretching once more, I started trying to look good for myself for a change, I went places, I tried out new recipes. It did me good for a while. Yoga for some reason is not for me. I had to stop stretching because meh, that's painful as fuck and I was heading nowhere with months of attempts. I am a vain person and I always try to look good and I still go places (without aim, with no direction), and (like a cartoon I once saw, I treat recipes like science fiction,"yeah, that ain't going to happen". Time and again, I find myself at mercy of people in my life. And that isn't all that bad actually. If I numbed myself to the bad emotions, I am pretty sure I would be drained of every sort of emotions and that is the most tragic thing that can happen to someone. I focus on coming in terms with my feelings and how far they can take me. Don't deny yourself the power of feelings over you. They're there for a reason. Accept them and try to let go gently, because by force you won't gain and you will certainly not lose.