Doodles

-

I used to doodle in school. A lot. Even when I was in my college, I used to draw pretty flowers on the corners of my handouts. I didn't know what I meant to accomplish but they used to give me satisfaction and even happiness. In school I used to be praised for my ability to fill in charts of paper after charts of paper with drawings and colors and pretty words to decorate the classroom. As far as I remember I used to carry the weight of all the class decoration competitions in all those years. I have even won some "art" competitions in my life. And I used to harbor a dream of becoming an "artist", which later turned into a desire to at least learn oil painting at some point in my life. These days I hardly lift a pen to draw anything. I hate even writing. On paper.

Why did I stop?

I guess I got "put to my place" when I saw other real artists and their amazing arts. When I was growing up, there was no real competition. I used to enjoy drawing and someone must have seen my drawing and sent me to drawing classes. The art teacher must have encouraged me to take part in these art competitions and so I must have won. And kept on winning for years. We didn't have Internet when we were growing up so it would be safe to say I lived a sheltered life, free from judgement and free from the notion that there might be better people out there. I wasn't really overconfident of myself, trust me, but it's just that the idea that what I was doing was meager by any standard hadn't begun to occur to me yet. I was no artist; all I could do well was make a copy of someone else's creativity. I was resourceful, yes and I could fool others but how long before I realized I couldn't fool myself forever.

Years passed on, we got access to computers, Internet, more people from around the world and I didn't have to write anymore. I also couldn't find myself neither the leisure time nor the drive to draw anymore. The last time I drew was at the front of my diary that I started writing in 2015. I have yet to finish the diary. You see, I am a sucker for perfection. And of course I don't mean to say whatever I do is perfect, far from it most of the times, and my writings are a good example of it. But my writings give me satisfaction and they give me happiness, no matter how they turn out to be. And I believe I have lost that for my drawings.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hyena: Doglike, but like no dog anyone would want as a pet.

-
Image
I am in the middle of reading "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. And I have come across this very intriguing description of this predator we all love to hate: hyena. Frankly speaking, I could not even begin to give a description close to what Mr. Martel has here, although it's obvious that I am not a writer of his caliber. I was impressed by the description he gave earlier in the book for three toed sloths, reminding me of my sister (who broke out to laughing at the similarity; we were in joking terms anyways) but sloths haven't had much influence in my life as much as hyenas have. I'm not saying I am drawn to the animals myself. My dad watches too much of National Geographic and Animal Planet to let us the snippets off of the wildlife in MasaiMara. Of course we hate hyenas; my mom top on the list. So here it is: the spotted hyena. I am not one to hold a prejudice against any animal, but it is a plain fact that the spotted hyena  is not well served by its
Read more

Life Intensely Lived.

-
Image
Copy pasted below is a Japanese poem by Mitsuo Aida translated into English. I don't quite remember where I got this poem from but it's one of the most inspirational pieces of works that I've ever stumbled into. Because it has lived its life intensely the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by. The flowers merely flower, And they do this as well as they can. The white lily, blooming unseen in the valley, Does not need to explain itself to anyone; It lives merely for beauty. Men, however, cannot accept that 'merely'. If tomatoes wanted to be melons, they would look completely ridiculous. I am always amazed that so many people are concerned with wanting to be what they are not; what's the point of making yourself look ridiculous? You don't always have to pretend to be strong, there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well, you shouldn't be concerned about what other people ar
Read more

Beauty Missed or not.

-
Image
January 4th, 2012. Muktinath, Nepal. I was here. The panoramic view of the beautiful snow-capped mountains of the Mukti Kshetra. There was more snow than I had ever seen in my life. And it was cold. The partial trek to Muktinath from Jomsom had already given me a trailer of the winter life in Mustang. The wind had been relentless. January 1st, 2012. It rained and my dream of seeing snow for the very first time in my life got fulfilled. But every wish has a price to pay. With snow come the shivers. And it was the biting cold that took the most amazing views of my life from my memory. I was so busy feeling cold that I don't have a memory of seeing the view. I did not take the picture. One of my friends did. I saw it after I was back in Jomsom and  and it was too late to be awed. I am awed by this view, don't be mistaken, but  to be actually at the place and breathe in the cold air and the sun too, and take in all the beauty that there is, is something else. It
Read more