Step Into My Shoes..

Have you ever been jeered for being a loser? Have you ever been told you are never going to make it? Have you ever felt the need to show everyone that you can and you will? Well, I have not. I am not familiar with these. I have always watched movies, listened to songs and even listened to people complain about how their parents, how people around them have never had confidence about what their future is going to hold for them; about how they were never encouraged to dream big.  I, on the other hand, have had a completely different problem to deal with. My parents have always latched their hopes on me. They have always been confident that I am the one to make it big. My aunts and other relatives have always looked up to me and I have been told they talk about how bright my future looked to them. Now, that's a heavy weight to log around all your life. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to not have to carry around such a big responsibility, to have people have zero confidenc...

I had a friend over.  We sat there swinging on the swing in my balcony; her smelling a little like the cigarette she must have smoked before coming in to see me. Me smelling like someone who had done nothing but lie on her bed reading all day. It was a hot day. I wouldn't have liked the way I smelled if I was her. The smell of failure.  She knew I had a lot on my plate and yet she couldn't stop talking about her problems. I didn't mind, of course. I was more than happy to get my mind off the troubles that were bursting from the seams of a sorry life that I was unfortunate to call mine.  We talked everyday. But you don't really talk well over the phone or in texts or in memes, for that matter. You have to see their faces, see how their shoulders slumped or their eyes lit to really know. It's quite easy to dodge questions when you're not face to face.  And yet, there I was dancing away from talking about the storm brewing in my life whilst liste...

Today is the last day of the year and Dear God, I'm scared. We are so used to relating everything in the Gregorian calendar year that I'm not even sure what to say about how my Nepali year has been. All I know is that these last days have been tougher than what I thought I had been equipped to handle. And I wouldn't even have noticed the year ending if it hadn't been for the conversation with my mum I had the other day. Me: Mum, I think my graha dasha isn't good right now. (graha dasha is something related to your stars, horoscopes and all; well, graha is technically a planet but you get what I mean) Mum: It's ok. The year is ending now. The new year is going to bring in good tides. I know it makes absolutely no sense but desperate times, desperate measures - I decided to trust my mum's words. Now, this conversation took place 4 days ago. At that time, I had checked the Nepalese calendar and thought, alright, 5 days to go - I can h...