Step Into My Shoes..

Have you ever been jeered for being a loser? Have you ever been told you are never going to make it? Have you ever felt the need to show everyone that you can and you will? Well, I have not. I am not familiar with these. I have always watched movies, listened to songs and even listened to people complain about how their parents, how people around them have never had confidence about what their future is going to hold for them; about how they were never encouraged to dream big.  I, on the other hand, have had a completely different problem to deal with. My parents have always latched their hopes on me. They have always been confident that I am the one to make it big. My aunts and other relatives have always looked up to me and I have been told they talk about how bright my future looked to them. Now, that's a heavy weight to log around all your life. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to not have to carry around such a big responsibility, to have people have zero confidenc...

I had a friend over.  We sat there swinging on the swing in my balcony; her smelling a little like the cigarette she must have smoked before coming in to see me. Me smelling like someone who had done nothing but lie on her bed reading all day. It was a hot day. I wouldn't have liked the way I smelled if I was her. The smell of failure.  She knew I had a lot on my plate and yet she couldn't stop talking about her problems. I didn't mind, of course. I was more than happy to get my mind off the troubles that were bursting from the seams of a sorry life that I was unfortunate to call mine.  We talked everyday. But you don't really talk well over the phone or in texts or in memes, for that matter. You have to see their faces, see how their shoulders slumped or their eyes lit to really know. It's quite easy to dodge questions when you're not face to face.  And yet, there I was dancing away from talking about the storm brewing in my life whilst liste...

Today is the last day of the year and Dear God, I'm scared. We are so used to relating everything in the Gregorian calendar year that I'm not even sure what to say about how my Nepali year has been. All I know is that these last days have been tougher than what I thought I had been equipped to handle. And I wouldn't even have noticed the year ending if it hadn't been for the conversation with my mum I had the other day. Me: Mum, I think my graha dasha isn't good right now. (graha dasha is something related to your stars, horoscopes and all; well, graha is technically a planet but you get what I mean) Mum: It's ok. The year is ending now. The new year is going to bring in good tides. I know it makes absolutely no sense but desperate times, desperate measures - I decided to trust my mum's words. Now, this conversation took place 4 days ago. At that time, I had checked the Nepalese calendar and thought, alright, 5 days to go - I can h...

"All your life you wait, and when it finally comes, and are you ready?" Along with December 2017 came a crushing realization that my resolutions for the year had remained only partly touched. I knew I still had a month but who was I kidding. My resolutions had wings and they had already perched themselves on the next year, impossible to achieve as they were in a mere four weeks' time. The mechanisms of my mind on the day the realization hit very hard will always remain a mystery to me but I remember feeling like a caged animal, desperate to do something, to find an escape from the helplessness. One of my resolutions had been to get inked. But hadn't that always been on my list, year after year? The first time, I wanted to have my name in Tengwar, just like Fernando Torres has. Then I wanted to get a clover (wishes, wishes). I also was keen on a tulip. Deathly Hallows perhaps? Ganesha, or a Saraswati Mantra. The options were plenty and not enough resolve. ...

Something happened today. Me and a friend of mine, we went for a hike to one of the very popular places in Sydney called the Figure 8 Pool . The walk was pretty exhilarating. Royal National Park is extremely famous for the wonderful bushwalks and coastal walks with the ultra beautiful ocean views. The weather was very accommodating after a week long stint at rain and heat wave. It was our first time to the pools; all we knew about the place was a handful of pretty instagram pictures and one blog post. I knew instagram posts could be deceitful so I had decided to take this instant as every hyped thing that always comes up in my life by not being very excited and expecting the worst. The walk from Otford station up until the Burning Palms beach was beyond expectations. The Otford lookout and the Werrong Beach lookout took the cake for the day. I could go back to doing the walk just for them. The Palm Jungle was also surprisingly very enjoyable in a weird but adventurous w...

Do you like to make every moment count? I know everybody wants to. (But on a second thought, most people don't even think about the moments, let alone going ahead and making efforts to make them count.) I'd like to think I do. But sometimes seeing the way I spend my "moments", I wonder if that is true at all.  I just got back from a party. It was a Christmas party from work. I had not bothered going last year and until about 2 days ago, I wasn't going to attend this time either. But of late, I have been in a habit of changing my mind about too many things. so despite many obstacles, I ended up going after all. Although I admit I did not "enjoy" myself like the people around me so obviously did, I had my own thing going on. I have read somewhere that, "No experience is a waste of time; If it doesn't give you what you want, it teaches you what you don't want." So, while people were busy merrymaking, I was busy realising...

Once in a while I take fancy to a certain musician/artist and most often they are newbies so I get to listen to all of their work. And once I get into them, I just about lose interest in any other music and day in and day out I listen to them. I remember telling someone that discovering a new artist is akin to discovering a strange exotic island where I tend to lose myself, forgetting all about the rest of the world. And more often than not, my islands are the rarely visited ones. While people like to go and frolic about in the touristy islands, I prefer them secluded ones. You may not really have heard about the artists whose music I'm so fond of. So, after I discover them, I spend days and weeks on them till I feel like they're part of me. I leave them fondly to return back once in a while and greet them like old chums. I'm pretty sure most people can relate. So after you are done obsessing over them and you have moved on, found some other life-long chums, o...

It doesn't happen very often but there are times I wish I was taller. It will be an understatement if I said I was not tall. I am short. Like, just 5 feet tall-short. Although most of the times I am quite content with my height (I live in Sydney where there are people from all over the world, all sorts of people, which means, yes there are short people too; and before this I have lived my whole life in Kathmandu, Nepal, where the average height of Nepalese women is...well, not much). The only times I wish my legs were a tad longer is when I have to buy clothes like pants and skirts and they don't fit on most occasions. But this post shall not revolve around the things that I lack in life, contrarily, it will express the gratitude I feel for the things I have. I wish I was taller but I am thankful I am not a midget (no offence). I might be thin but I am not anorexic. I might have acnes and acne marks but I do not have serious skin diseases. My hair might be frizzy and dry...

Last night as I lay down poring over the pages under the bright orangey lamp light, I was being nibbled by a feeling that the day had gone to waste. The day had been glorious. The sun was out and the sky had shone like new furniture. I was up early, too early for a day without work and classes. I had begun the day with the book. Like, I was up and had started reading without even getting up. After two hours of reading, I had been up and working out. For someone who is a huge fan of sunny days, whenever the morning graces with a bright sunlight, it is an open invitation for going out. And yet for someone who is also a big fan of reading, staying home and having a good read of a good book is equally tempting. I did go out for breakfast, and although I spent some time looking for places I could go, none fit the shoes of convenience. So I ended up laying down on my bed with sun pouring through the window, bright and warm, and reading. And I didn't just read. I lived three liv...

If I ask you what the best feeling in the world is, what will your answer be? Love? (Yes) Security? (Definitely) Accomplishment? (Without doubt) Happiness? (No question) But there is another thing that is also as important. Lets give you some scenarios to build on what I might be getting at. The other time I was caught in a downpour. Well, technically, I wasn't really caught-caught in it because I had a brolly with me, like I always do. But most other people were definitely caught in it. (oh, poor them) And in another instance, it started to get really chilly because of the wind in summer-ish time but I had my cardigan with me so I was cool. And then we have the classic exam time example. I am at my exam hall, I look at the questions and I go, wow I know the answers to these questions.  What I am getting at, is that one of the best feelings in the world is being prepared. Rain? Got a brolly. Chilly? Got a cardigan. Exam? I know the answers. Past these mundane life...

I recently had myself a gash. I am aware of how extreme that sounds but it had felt extreme at that point. I had cut my palm (accidentally) and I cannot forget how painful it had been. It had been a deep cut and I could actually see the inside of my skin if I moved my fingers in a certain way. It had hurt at the moment it had happened and had hurt for a long time since. It would hurt on every instance that I had to come in contact with water and it would hurt every so often I had to touch anything for that matter. I was in habit of constantly flinching thinking of the pain I would induce if I did this or if I did that. And then suddenly this morning I looked at my palm and saw that the skin that hung open had somehow been sealed shut. No matter how further back I inclined my palm, the abyss of a cut wouldn't appear, let alone open. I was clearly amazed at how our bodies can heal. It takes time but it does heal. Because it doesn't do to let a wound stay raw and painful. I...

A rather heavy heart weighs me down today. When will I lift me up, tomorrow, next week, next month, never, who can say. Painfully alone in the middle of a crowd. Do I want to keep mum or do I want to scream my head out. Should I burn myself out and rise like a phoenix, or should I stay numb and watch the clock as it ticks. I always knew that life could be crazy funny, but I never really guessed that the joke could've been on me. Heartbreak can really make a nobody into a poet. Look at all the insane lines I wrote.

About four months ago, when I was shopping for my trip to Australia, I bought a perfume that I liked very much. (Okay, not a trip, cause that makes it sound like I’m on a holiday, which I’m not.) I had also bought other ones but that one was special. The first weeks in Australia had been the most apprehensive. Apprehension of things that were new, people who were strange, places that were different, systems that were alien and ways that were unfamiliar. Also there were the feelings of excitement for all the experiences that awaited (like getting aboard a train, walking on a beach…something I had been looking forward to my whole life), for all the friends to be made (Nepalese and otherwise), the scenes to behold and the food to be had (“other than just mo:mo” was what I had thought at first, but how wrong I was since I crave for mo:mo more than anything at all times).  Then there was the anxiety of having things fall short of my expectations (which I had little but still...

Ask me how my life is, and without blinking my eyes, I'll tell you my life is beautiful. God knows my life is not the easiest and I am not the happiest person you'll ever meet. It's just that I like to keep it simple and choose to say my life is worth more than anything in the world. So this young and pretty actress committed suicide recently. It was a waste of a beautiful life. I will not go and judge her, saying how she could just put an end to her life when there are people in the world living with much less than what she had. She must have had her own reasons, and since she has already gone and taken her life, there is nothing we can do about it. Talking about the cons of suicide will not change anything about this news and I do not intend to do any of that. What I do intend to do is remind myself and you that life is a gift that we are given without the guarantee of being born again. Everyone has their own problems, some are given more than the othe...

I have been absent from blogging for a while now. Sadly, I cannot find the time for it. I have signed in today to post, not mine but, a guest’s article on how life should be simple and thus beautiful.  Enjoy! The world of today is always competing on getting new, sophisticated and much more advanced things in the market so that it can dazzle everyone. Everyday some big company makes new machinery, new designed cars, high-tech cell phones that have never been thought of before. What I mean is people are so addicted to upgraded technology. The whole world shrinks in a device that fits in our palm.  We can keep in touch with almost everybody around every corner of globe in just a split of second. That’s how advance our world has become. But when you think about it, the world is also getting more complicated simultaneously. Back in my school days, cell phones, laptops and cables weren't even introduced. We h...

The town was abuzz with the news of this old bus making a comeback. Well, not an old bus exactly, but old brand of bus line - Sajha Yatayat. He had always loved travelling in a Sajha bus in the olden days. Then he had aged and gone were his travelling-in-public-bus days. But on a rainy day in April, he had to resort back to taking a public transportation due to some unforeseen circumstances and he happily took advantage of this situation to set on an adventure of his own, only he did not know that it was going to be one when he got out of the house. Like I said, it was raining and he was not used to going out carrying an umbrella, standing under a pouring sky. He waited for this posh-tourist-bus-like-shuttle for almost half an hour. He was aware of the time being wasted, while his friends called him incessantly. Still he let the other public buses pass him by and waited. Twenty-five minutes is a long time for a pair of shoes unaccustomed to walking to be soaked on a cake of mu...

Location: Just somewhere on the road. Scenario: I am upset for some reason that cannot really be expressed in such a public manner. Story: I am walking, at first in a hasty manner, away from the source of my distress, and then slowly because I am drained emotionally and my body cannot stand the physical exertion. I keep my eyes down. Generally when I am upset, I try to look where I am going since I cannot really risk tripping over something and falling flat on my arse or worse, my face in public. I know that will cause more agony to me. So I am just walking randomly on the road avoiding public eyes, but then I have to look up to see which direction I am headed for. That’s when I see her; an acquaintance really, a friend of a friend. Not much of a pretty face but today she is glowing. I wonder how she could look so stunning all of a sudden today. Then I notice her smile. She is looking so pretty because she is smiling so broadly like she is never going to be able to, ever...

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. “Never leave that till tomorrow,” he said, “Which you can do today.” This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you make a mistake you can’t undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically. The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our...

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” In my head, I can talk in several accents. In real life, of course I can't. I don't even know what accent I have. I know I'll sound fake if I try and use one of the accents that I know of. But in my head, I'm like those actors who have all the help to act like someone from an entirely different country. In my head sometimes, I can also talk in various languages.  Have I thought about Parseltongue? Yes, but not often.   In my head, I have a great voice, and I can sing beautifully in front of a crowd. And when I sing, people get mesmerized and regard me with awe, which is not true in reality at all. I got a reality check fourteen years ago when I took par...